Someday....

Some day I will have all my Christmas shopping done before Black Friday.

Some day I will have all the Christmas baking done two weeks before Christmas and shipped out one week before Christmas.

Some day I will be able to wrap the presents and put them under the tree without fear of toddler or dog.

Some day I will be able to spend the last week before Christmas with my feet up and relaxing....possibly laughing at the me that used to be, and my friends who still are the me I used to be....

Some day I will have Christmas cards made, addressed and mailed out two weeks before Christmas....

Some day I will spend the entire holiday season without stress or worry that I am forgetting someone, some present, or something that has the potential to ruin the holiday season....

Some day I will long for the craziness of the holiday season, because it is half the fun of it all anyway....

When To Step In??

When your kids are fussing and arguing with one another, when do you step in and intervene? Do you wait until things escalate to a physical level? Are there magic words that trigger you to say enough is enough? What is it that takes you from 'let them work it out,' to 'oh hell no, not in my house!'

I am lucky in the sense that while my two oldest do experience sibling rivalry it has been thus far pretty tame. There is usually some tattling, some she said/she said and the occasional stomping off in a huff. But for the most part, at 11 & 9, they have not yet worked my total last nerve. But they do argue, frequently.

Part of the problem is the complete opposite ends of the spectrum on which their personalities lie. My oldest is headstrong, confident, bossy and generally thinks she knows almost everything. Her younger by two years sister tends to be more insecure, and not have the voracity for life her sister does. She prefers to spread the love, leave the mess, and half-ass whatever chores she has because she does not like doing them. I hate to be brutal, but it's true. She is also the most affectionate of the two, and would give the shirt off her back to anyone, including her bossy, know-it-all sister.

Last night is a perfect example of how it goes here. They are Rainbow Loom obsessed, as are most kids their age right now. So they set up in the master bedroom to do a band exchange while we watched our nightly wind-down bit of tv. For those who do not know, the Rainbow Loom is a device on which you use small plastic rubber bands to make bracelets, rings, or other little creations. It has been all the rage for a little while now.

Anywho...within minutes, the bargaining table had degraded into a yelling match. The younger sister did not want to give up any of her white bands, and the older sister was desperate for the white bands. There were some successful trades, and negotiations. I heard a couple instances in which I felt the older sister was trying to take advantage of the younger one, but was pleasantly surprised when the younger one did not fall for the trickery.

I let them go on, bickering and all, until I heard the sentence, "Why won't you trade that, you're just stupid." That is when I called foul, and told them to put it all away. I will not tolerate either of them calling the other stupid. I know there are far worse names to be called, but in my mind it all starts somewhere.

If I let her get away with calling her sister stupid, what will she call her next? When will she lose her mind and call me stupid? How does calling her stupid help the situation at all? The answer is it does not help, it is not okay, and she better not call me stupid, ever.

My breaking point is name calling. You can disagree, you can argue. But if you stoop to name calling, that is when I call foul and send you both to neutral corners.

And all I was trying to do was watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!!!

Sick Day

Yesterday my oldest got up, got dressed for school and then came down almost in tears. This is what happens when she does not feel well. She wants to go to school but she also wants to stay home. She knows she should go to school but she does not handle not feeling well very well at all. So she stayed home.

Staying home when you are borderline sick, but probably should have gone to school anyway gets you stuck with a little sidekick. So here sit my oldest and my youngest sharing a granola bar while watching Food Network.

This is pretty much how my oldest daughter's day went. By the end of the day a miracle happened, she is cured, and ready to head back to school.

She proclaimed to me last night, "I don't know how you do it with her all day. I love her and all, but she is really a handful, and kinda needy. Even if I am vomiting I am going to school tomorrow."

I did not have the heart to tell her that her little sister is very much like most two year old children, because someday I would like to have grandchildren and I do not want to scar her for life. The little one worships her big sisters, and just wants to be like them, and with them all the time. It's really adorable, except when you are 11 and trying to play hookie because you are over tired and slightly sick.

One Grain of Sand at a Time....

I love this quote because I often try the whole life overhaul and when I fail I feel beat down. I cannot figure out why I cannot eat healthy, exercise every day, keep the house spotless, the kids eternally happy and cooperative, the spouse happy, and the dog adequately walked, while I myself look like I stepped out of a magazine every day.

I have much more success when I take on little changes and build from there. You know, like the pyramids. One block at a time, one grain of sand at a time if you need. You cannot make life sweeping changes that will stick, overnight. Be realistic in your expectations of yourself.

When we start the new year, which is soon again can you even believe it?!?! We claim that this year will be better, we will eat healthy, workout every day, be positive every day. We claim that we are going to be totally different than we have been in years past. Why? What is so bad about who you are that every time a new year rolls around you feel you need a complete overhaul? Yes, we should exercise regularly, yes we should eat healthy, yes we should do our best to maintain kindness towards others. But these things should not be part of an overhaul we need. I get it, we get addicted to junk food. I get it, we do not exercise because we are just too darn busy to fit it in. Those things are best added in small doses to ensure successfully sticking with them.

What is it in your life that you are so unhappy about? Is it your job? Is it the way you parent? Is the spouse you are to your partner? What are you so desperate to change about yourself, and why? Yes, change is possible, and probable if done correctly. But do not beat yourself up if you backslide, to err is human, remember. If you are unhappy with your job, do not quit until you have a new job. Do not come home and dump your angst on your spouse every day. Realize that you are where you are for a reason. Then, brainstorm with ways to change your situation. Share THAT with your spouse, he or she may be able to help you. Determine where your passion lies, and how you can get there. Share THAT with your spouse, he or she may be a valuable asset to you accomplishing your goal which will bring you closer together.

Are you in need of some parenting tweeks? Do you constantly yell at your kids, with no result, or even worse with the result that they just become upset? Maybe you should take a parenting class, there is no shame in learning new skills, it is for the sake of your children. Leave all pride at the door. Maybe you need to seek counseling for anger that is being focused on the children. Maybe that is how your parents treated you, stop and think how it made you feel about your parents, is that how you want your children to feel about you? Obviously not, if it is an overhaul you are trying to make.

Whatever changes you desire to make you need a plan of action, not just the notion that you need a change. You need to figure out what your end goal is, and formulate a plan on how to get from point A to point B. And then you need to come up with a contingency plan, because you will need one at some point. Next, be real with yourself, you may fail, several times. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Try as many times as it takes until you get it right. Make as many plans as you need.

Seek support from friends and family. These people are here to lift you up, to inspire you. Any one that tears  you down with criticism need not be in your circle. Surround yourself with the people that are where you want to be, and become the best student ever. Stop trying to pretend you have it all together, you do not. No one has it ALL together. We are human, and to err is human.

Once you have found the support you need for change, there is another step in that process. Be the support for someone else. One of the best ways of learning something is to teach it. When you have your basic foundation, start looking to help those around you. You will feel inspired within yourself to do more, change more, do better, stay on track. You will also be inspiring others to make small changes which lead to big changes in their own lives. How awesome will it feel when you have not only accomplished your own goals but been a support for someone else to accomplish their own, and for them to support someone, and so on and so forth.

So about this whole "I'm fat," thing....

There was a story a while back where a mom outlawed use of the word fat around her child or something like that. I thought she was a little kooky for it, but hey, it was all out of love and efforts to protect her daughter.

Yesterday, I got to thinking. Maybe she has something. I mean, outlawing a word around your child will only work for so long, like until your kid goes to school. But I know I frequently refer to myself as feeling fat, or my fat ass, or something along those lines.

Now, while I am joking, mostly, I am beginning to wonder if one of my daughters would ever begin to take my comments personally, because she is build like me. So I have to wonder if she considers herself fat?? I know she has commented on being short, but hey that is beyond anyone's control. She is not short, she is average, but most of her classmates are ABOVE average. So she feels short.

One time she did make a comment about wanting to exercise more, to be in better shape. I asked her how much better shape she could possibly be in, because she looked pretty in shape to me. She pointed out her slight little tummy. The only place on her body where she has any body fat. Which is exactly how I referred to it.

She has a tendency to have the highest of expectations of herself, a bit anal retentive at times. She is a control freak to the utmost. She is a first born daughter. She strives academically, knows everything there is to know and will share it with anyone who needs to be told.

She also has a heart of gold, is the most well-behaved child I could have EVER asked for, and is so naturally beautiful it is almost scary. She is as smart as they come, as driven as they come, and as amazing as the come.

I think I will stop referring to my fat ass, my feeling fat, and whatever else I do to knock myself down. I think my own ego and hers will be all the better for it.

Life Changer???

Everyone has someone in their life that has made a profound impact. But, have you ever been told by someone that YOU are that person for them? It feels good, but it also comes with a little pressure to always be that influence.

What do you do in your friend's and family's lives that make you the life changing impact? Do you offer unmatched emotional support and guidance? Do you provide a lifestyle that allows for your loved ones to never worry about finances? You know what you do? Just be yourself. You be your best self, and that is the impact the people in your life need. We are all drawn to one another for a reason, yes, nothing is coincidental. Being your best self allows for your true purpose to shine through to others. Either you will inspire them, or support them, or teach them something.

Everyone in this world has something to offer. And everyone in this world has something to learn, something to gain from others. This makes our relationships symbiotic, each one gaining and giving in return. Sometimes, these relationships may feel one-sided. That just means you have to look deeper for the lesson. You have to examine the relationship closer in order to see what is not on the surface.

Even the most selfish of people teaches us something, even if it is as simple as how we do NOT want to be in our lives. Learning what not to do is as important as learning what TO do. It is just a different way of learning. Each of us impacts the universe. When you come across someone in a foul mood, do you not find yourself reacting in a foul way, at least at first? That person's negative attitude is testing you. Either you will adopt their example and feed into their negativity, or you will rise above. Either way, you have just been taught a lesson.

The person that falls prey to the negative Nelly learns that negativity is contagious and beware the attitude you spread to others. The positive Polly learns it takes effort to stay positive even in the face of adversity, and to never take a positive frame of mind for granted.

Either way, invaluable lessons have been learned.

So I ask you, how are you going to impact those around you today???

Passion

Do you have passion in your life? Do you wake up every day unable to wait to start your day? Do you love what you do with your life? Do you feel fulfilled, motivated? If not, why?

It's easy to get lost in the minutiae of life. It is easy to lose yourself in mundane, every day tasks and forget that you are a miracle. We view our children as miracles, yet as we get older we forget that we were once those children. Our parents once viewed us the miracles in their lives, and they probably still do.

Do you view yourself as a miracle in your own life? I know I don't. I have a whole complex where I put other people's needs first and then wonder why my own needs are not being met. It's something I am working on. Do you make yourself your own first priority? Odds are I would bet you view your children as your first priority. But, if something happened to you, it would hit them i the most profound way possible. So do you not at least owe it to your children, and yourself, to make YOU your top priority. You are teaching them self-esteem, self-confidence and independence. You are showing them how to treat themselves. When your children see mommy or daddy taking care of themselves first, they learn they too have to care for themselves first and foremost.

This will help your children not find themselves in abusive relationships, co-dependent relationships, or unhappy situations in general. Your children will grow up loving themselves too much to allow anyone to take advantage of them, or treat them with disdain. Your children will see their own value, early on, and be able to confidently go into the world and know exactly what they want and how to get it.

All that simply by making YOU a priority. Is that not a powerful feeling? You have the capacity to change your own life, and your children's simply by taking the best care of YOU that you can. Why oh why do we all not jump on this bandwagon?!  Because we were taught somewhere along the way that this is selfish. We were convinced that selfish behavior is ALWAYS bad. There are some positive aspects to some selfish behavior.

Being selfish is okay when it does not come at the expense of others. You can have a spa day as long as your bills are paid, and your kids are cared for first. You can go on vacation as long as the mortgage payment is on time and you have food in the fridge. Your selfish behavior has to match what your abilities are first. If you can only swing a self-manicure due to money being tight because you are a one income family, then you find the joy in that. You allow yourself the pampering and care that your life can support.

If you cannot afford to join a gym, find some stairs to run up and down, do push-ups and crunches, or jump rope. But take care of yourself! We have to balance taking care of ourselves, and making ourselves our first priority with what we can realistically afford monetarily, emotionally and mentally.

The lessons your children will learn are invaluable, and all you have to do is make yourself your first priority. It is a win-win situation.